Emotional Overload

When you were born, I was so..... overwhelmed. Was I happy? Of course! Did I love you from the first moment I heard you/saw you/held you? You bet! But my emotions were so plentiful and I was is such a complete state of disbelief that I really couldn't feel anything at all. I think they call it shock. So, I breastfed away as Daddy shed his tears of joy those first few moments of your life. It was the first time I had ever seen him cry. I was moved, but it was just another emotion I didn't know how to feel just then.

I had my first tears when Daddy surprised me with a push present for each of you: a diamond earring for each ear! These came on Thursday night in a moment of quite sleep for you and peaceful moment for us. He is such a wonderful husband and such a great Daddy- we are so blessed!! We had been through so much to have you, and some of my emotions finally just bubbled up. However, I still didn't know how to deal with all that I was feeling: joy, shock, exhaustion, fear, relief....

That dazed state continued through the first few days, especially at home. Grandma Knapke was there the entire time (THANK GOD!) and I was rushed between trying to feed you, pumping, eating oatmeal and drinking milkmaid tea, and trying to rest. No one let me do much else, as I was still healing from the c-section and my iron deficiency (I hemorrhaged after the birth). 

So, my real, true, stop-my-heart-I-can't-take-it-all emotions were yet to come.