4 Eyes and 4 Ears Everywhere

Lately I've been concerned about giving each of you enough attention. There are 4 eyes and 4 ears on everything that I do. If I'm singing to one of you, the other is always watching and listening. Does that make you sad? I try so hard to take turns with you. 

I worry that if I pick up Charlotte first, Olivia will be sad or feel abandoned. I worry if I look at Olivia when I say peekaboo, Charlotte will be sad or feel less loved. If I feed you in the morning, then Daddy makes sure to feed you at night. If I got Charlotte out of bed first, then I try to make sure I get Olivia up first the next day. If I sing a song to one baby, I have to sing it to the other. I even switch eyes during Old MacDonald from one of you to the other: "With a Moo Moo" to Olivia "and a Moo Moo" to Charlotte. It's exhausting and no matter how hard that I try, I feel like one day one of you always gets more of my attention that the other. 

So I'm left wondering: Does Olivia lay in her bed playing silently so well because she's so used to me getting Charlotte first? Or do I pick up Charlotte first because Olivia is playing so happily on her own?  Does Charlotte not like my songs as much because I tend to look at Olivia more during them or do I look at Olivia more because she enjoys them more than Charlotte? 

It's exhausting to worry about, but I still try my best every single day. I love you both, and I love you each as individuals and I never want you to feel any differently. More importantly, I don't want either of you to be shaped in any way (negatively) by something I did or didn't do for you vs. your sister. 

At the end of the day, one of the things that will shape your personality is the fact that you're a twin. But I'm very aware that how I treat you is also something that will shape you. I'm doing my best! 

Our Little Songbird Olivia

I knew early on that you enjoyed music. There were many times you were only comforted by me playing or singing the song "Without You" by Keith Urban. It was immediate silence and intent listening from you. It amazed me! This continued as you grew with every song you heard: "Open Shut Them,", "Old MacDonald," "Hot Diggity Dog!" Then one day, around 5 months old, I realized you were singing! You had been babbling, but this was different. When I sang back, you stopped, smiled the biggest gummy smile I'd ever seen, then started again. I kept repeating your tune, which delighted you equally each time. It was such a thrill to feel like I had communicated with you! 

I still smile every time I hear your beautiful, out-of-tune melodies-- especially when they melt through the monitor when you think no one is listening. (And why it's so fun to surprise you in your crib to interrupt!) Charlotte must love it too, because she dreams right through it. :)